Crazy dream

I've been meaning to write this dream down for a while and believe this is the perfect place for it...during the first trimester of my pregnancy I began to have strange dreams. Though I haven't had many weird dreams since around that time. So here is the dream...keep in mind this was a very vivid dream...

My dreams begins with me (I'm pregnant) being in a really bad car accident. I was rushed to the hospital and they weren't sure I would make it. The doctors reported I was in a coma and more than likely wouldn't come out of it and possibly had severe brain damage. My family wanted to keep me alive on a ventilator so the baby could continue growing until the doctors could deliver him safely. (Apparently I watch too much TV, lol) While in my coma...I find myself in a beautiful field all alone or so I thought. Jesus walks up to me, yes I was in shock in my dream, and he begins to talk to me. I ask him to not save me but to heal my nephew. (My nephew has been diagnosed a brain disorder) Jesus says he won't do that. And I of course argue why he should. Knowing that my baby will have family to care for him and I wanted my nephew to not struggle anymore and be able to do everything and anything he has ever wanted to do without pain or struggle. Jesus then explains to me that my nephew, Jonah, will do great things given his disability and will change lives. But my son needs to grow up with his mom. I begin to cry of course...I then find myself awake in a hospital room with doctors and my family surprised. My dream ends.

I have no doubt that night I really talked to Jesus. I have no doubt that I would give up my life to make my nephews better even knowing my son would grow up without me. If you know me well enough you know that my nephew and I are close and he will always have a special place in my heart! Because I know my family would take care of him just as I would and he would be great! I have no doubt that what God told me in that dream was truth...a) my nephew will do great things and change lives no matter his disability b) my son deserves to have his mom and God knows I will be a great mom and it is my time to be a mom.

I have learned I shouldn't doubt my circumstances and God will provide and be there for me every step of the way. I'm going to be a mom and it may not be under the circumstances that most would want for me but I'm still going to make it. Being a parent is hard single or with someone, but I can still do it. I realize the hardships that are ahead of me and I'm going to be ok. Jesus came to me that night for a reason...to let me know he loves me and is here for me every step of the way. I have nothing to be shameful about but to be proud to be a mommy.

This is my baby bump at 17 weeks. Currently I'm in week 18! I'll update my baby bump as it gets bigger, its been a slow process!

Ultra Sound Day

I was so nervous the night before my ultra sound. I had been hoping and praying for a girl. I have had a baby name for a girl for YEARS and couldn't wait to use it. I knew I would be happy boy or girl but my heart was set on a girl. So the day arrived for my appointment. My parents and my sister met me for lunch before we went to my appointment, it was a good distraction! We didn't wait long at the doctor's office before going into for the ultra sound. I was extremely grossed out by the goo that was piled on my stomach, and yes my father snapped a terrible picture of my reaction to this! haha The tech started looking at the baby fairly quickly. She took some pictures and then went right to the gender...she said ITS A BOY. She then said that is definitely a boy, no mistake! haha My reaction was oh ok and just sat in silence. My parents and sister were all like I knew we, we guessed it. I still sat there just looking at the pictures. My heart sank, I won't lie. But the more I looked at the baby and watched the tech show me his organs and where everything was I became excited. My nephew is by far amazing, so I have a pretty good chance of a son just like him!! The tech said the baby is 10 oz and looks great. She had to send pictures to my doctor to assure the baby is doing great. My doctor said everything looked great and the baby is developing just fine! :) I have a healthy baby boy!

Dara and I went shopping for the baby as soon as my appointment was over. The more I sat with I'm having a boy and looked at his pictures the boy in love I fell. I loved buying him little man clothes! He will be the best dressed baby boy this summer! Dara of course as the aunt bought him super cute things as well! :) It was so fun! And we can't wait to start creating my registry, I won't lie I already have the stroller/car seat picked out and added to my registry! Baby Boy and I will be styling as we walk down the street! haha

I have been asking for the man of my dreams for years now and I do believe I have found him. He already let's me know he loves me and is there for me. He always makes himself known to me when I need it the most. That may sound cheesy but I truly believe it. I can't wait to meet my little guy and snuggle up with him! And I can't wait to share him with my closet family and friends!! YAY IT'S A BOY!!!

IT'S A BOY!!

Christmas

My mom's side of the family for Christmas exchanges names for the adults. I was one of the last adults to go during the exchange. I had no idea who had me though it was down to 3 family members. I honestly couldn't have asked for a better person to be me...my papa. He gave me great gifts. He is such a thoughtful man. He got me 2 gifts cards, that is what I asked for since I wasn't sure what sizes to give nor if I'd be in maternity clothes. He got me foot lotion with super soft socks to put on afterwards, if you know my papa you know he hates smelly stuff so for him to get that was pretty surprising! :) He also picked out, with the help of my grams, a maternity coat. It is perfect! I'm already wearing it! I can still wear my other coats but there is something special about this coat. Lastly there was a gift I was instructed to open last. I had no idea what it was. I opened it and it was a baby's first set. It came with a monkey bank, a monkey container for the baby's first tooth and lock of hair. As I looked at it I began to cry. He also gave me money to put in the bank, such a sweetheart. I felt so much love from him at that moment and how proud he is of me. It was so overwhelming! He is beyond excited for this baby and really pulling for a redhead! He told me the pressure is on to have a redhead since my niece and nephew are looking more like blondes these days. I think this has been the best Christmas exchange I've had so far! I love the monkey set and may have just found my theme for the baby's bedding and room! :)

It has been hard for me to be excited up until now but so see the love he and my other family members have for this baby and myself is overwhelming. I'm learning it is ok to be excited and go out shopping for the baby. So I'm excited! I can't wait to find out what I'm having on Friday!! And I got to feel the baby move last night and this morning. Such an amazing feeling. Pretty cool I'm the only person who can feel it right now! Such a special bond is being created right now between the baby turnip and I! :) Super exciting!!

The Big Reveal!! Well not really...

Last week I made my ultra sound appointment. January 6 at 2:20. I am pretty excited and super excited my sister is able to come with me! Once I find out what I am having I can go shopping. And I will start the task of making my baby registry! Oh the joys!! Luckily I have my sister to help me navigate that overwhelming task! I went into Baby r Us a few weeks ago and I couldn't even figure out where to start looking and what is the best to have. I also looked online and was so overwhelmed with everything I gave up! lol But thankfully to my sis she has taken on the task to help me navigate, whew! I can't wait to start picking things out, though I do have this awesome stroller with baby carrier picked out already! It may be overwhelming but I am definitely becoming more excited!

Oh and there is an itty bitty bump-looks more like a beer belly right now! Pictures soon to follow!!

Movement

Friday morning between 4 and 5am I was laying in bed trying to fall back asleep when I felt this weird exciting feeling in my stomach. I thought to myself that was weird but just rolled over and went back to sleep. Once I had started my morning I starting thinking about that weird feeling I had earlier that morning. I thought to myself...was that the baby?!?!?!?!!? So I decided to call my sister to see what she thought. After waiting for her to call me back she and I discussed what I felt and sure enough...it was the baby. Most articles, books, and even my phone application said baby movement is normally felt between week 16-18 and then it will become stronger later on. I'm in week 15 and hadn't even thought I would feel the baby already. I was amazed at what I felt that morning. It was an exciting feeling that was quick and amazing. I lay still a lot more in bed hoping to feel that precious movement again. Ever since that exciting feeling and realizing that is my baby moving I have been filled with pure amazement and joy. That was the one thing I so desperately needed to move me to excitement. Don't get me wrong I am excited about this bundle of joy. But lately all I think about is the changes I will be making or figuring out. I am stressed more than excited. That exciting feeling, my baby moving, let me know I need to relax and enjoy these moments. I realize things won't be perfect when this baby arrives but I do know it will all fall in place in His timing. I have to remind myself this is in God's hands and He will take care of this baby and I. God knew what I have been needing in the past few weeks and blessed me with the greatest thing ever...waking me up at 4 am so I can feel my baby move for the first time. I'm not sure any exciting feeling I have from now on will ever be better than that morning. Thank you God for this blessing!!!

This baby and I are going to be ok. I just need to be patient and feel the movement.